<
=========================
> AN EVEN LATER BULLETIN
=========================
By Oliver Shagnasty
The Washington Pist
WASHINGTON, DC -- The man
accused of placing piranha in the
Smithsonian Institution's indoor
swimming pool told a district judge
today that he has Alzheimer's and
doesn't remember "a god damn thing."
"I don't remember nothin'," Ed
Conrad told Judge Preston Duquesne
74 times when questioned by the
prosecutor during his preliminary
hearing.
Lawrence B. Small, ousted Secretary
of the Smithsonian, was taking a dip
in the Institution's private indoor swim-
ming pool earlier this week when a
piranha bit off the head of his penis.
Conrad told the court he has
absolutely no recollection of the
piranha incident even though a video
from Sam's Tropical Fish shows him
buying six piranha, a $4.99 box of
piranha food, a copy of "Catching
Piranha in the Amazon," a large
glass cutter and a forged Smithsonian
Employee shirt badge...
Meanwhile, it was confirmed that
Small has accepted an offer with
an internationally acclaimed carnival
and soon would be joining its world-
wide tour.
The victim was offered a weener
transplant by good-hearted David Iain
Greig, moderator of the talk.origin
newsgroup, but surgeons felt it
wouldn't do because it wasn't the
right color.
<
> MORE MORE MORE
<
=====================
> BULLETIN
=====================
<
> By Oliver Shagnasty
> The Washingtan Pist
WASHINGTON, DC -- City police
today apprehended the person they
claim had placed piranha in the
Smithsonin's indoor swimming pool
earlier this week, causing former
ousted Secretary Lawrence M. Small
his precious manhood and as well
as considerable embarrassment.
The suspect was identified as one
Ed Conrad who was accompanied
by his Huskie named Blue.
<
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/EdConrad&Blue.jpg
<
Conrad, who doesn't know his ass
from a hole in the ground, has long
thought he was smarter than the
Smithsonian "experts" but even we
all know he has a petrified brain
made of coal.
Where was this freakin' imbecile
when "real" brains were given out?
Will somebody pass me the darts?
<
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/EdConradDartboard.jpg
<
> MORE MORE MORE
<
===============================================
<
> EARLIER EXCLUSIVE
< http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/SaveTheWhale.jpg
<
Lawrence M. Small, former Secretary of the Smithsonian, lost
his weener this morning during a swim in the Institution's
indoor pool.
<
Small, who enjoys taking a dip after breakfast, was bitten
by one or more piranha which authorities say probably had
been put in the pool by one Ed Conrad.
<
Conrad, respected on the Internet as a leader of conserving
Cyberspace, apparently was miffed because the Smithsonian
has long denied his discoveries of petrified bones, teeth and soft
organs -- some HUMAN -- between anthracite coal veins, which
obviously destroys the facetious Theory of man's Evolution..
<
The photo was taken by a Paparazzi just seconds before
the piranha attack.
<
Mr. Small, at the hospital preparing for a penis transplant
from talk.origins moderator David Iain Greig, a donor,
said he may have to find a new line of work and admits
he has received several offers to join the carnival and
tour as a freak.
<.
http://www.nurple.com/sideshow/
<
HOW TO PROTECT YOUR PENIS
http://www.vasectomy-information.com/humor/manual.htm
<
EXPLAINING THE WEENER (and other good stuff...)
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=weener
<
THOSE BASTARD PIRANHA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piranha
<
HOW LAWRENCE B. SMALL SAVED TAXPAYERS' MONEY (For Himself)
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/18/AR2007031801369.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/graphic/2007/03/19/GR2007031900078.html
<
=============================================
<
> TRUTH VS. THE MONUMENTAL LIE OF MAN'S EVOLUTION
> (Fossils -- SOME HUMAN -- Found Between Coal Veins)
<
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/OldestHumanSkull.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/ManasOldasCoal.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/Discoveries.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MoreFossils.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/HumanBrain.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/TestResults.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/OldestTool.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/Scorpion.jpg
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MVC-013F.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/FOSSILS/MVC-022S.JPG
<
===============================
<
The anthros, their interests SO vested
And Poor Truth, for too long molested
Their deceit and deception
Near the point of perfection
If it were MY call, they'd ALL be arrested
<
===============================
<
> PETRIFIED FOSSILS STILL EMBEDDED IN SLATE
<
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-002S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-003S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-006S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-007S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-009S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-010S.JPG
http://mysite.verizon.net/edconrad/NewFossils/MVC-012S.JPG
<
======================================
<
Ed Conrad
http://www.edconrad,com
Man as Old as Coal
<
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